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♥While i noe myself as a creation of God,I am also obligated to realize & remember dt everyone else & everythin else r also God's creation.♥
♦From diary to blogging..sumhow i love pouring out my feelins on a blank page,jotting down my emotions,reminicsin d episodes of my life.Even some memoirs do bring me tears,i do want to remember it cos to me such experiences & heartache do make someone wiser,stronger & braver to overcome obstacles in life..
Everyone has a past,given it's good or bad..& so do i.Wateva i'm sharin here is fer my collection..eu r free to read,it's nt a problem to me but please respect my lifestory cos i dun live to please anybody & whu r eu to judge me??Got it!
Muchas gracias!♦
♥Happyness~It's betta den being rich!
♥Love~Juz wanna be ♥ by dearest&treasured souls in my life,dts enough!
♥Career~Wif God's willing,i prayed dat i will make a name wif dis passion of mine in near future.
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Thursday, March 26, 2009 @ 3:27 AM Torns in the flesh.. Imagine growing up in a broken home,where u had to deal with an abusive dad..and a mom who couldn't even stand for her right..somehow,u'll get the picture right of how a person would turn out to be huh when they grew older?? A house without a roof..a troupe without a leader. How i wish that i grew up in a home full of love... Given the circumstances,i was already fending for myself at a very fragile age. No matter if i rise or fall..when i look around,they were never there. Even if they did..they were never near. A distance that i can never reach out. What i remember was..i was never right and will never be. And becos of that..we drifted apart. I wonder sometimes whether it's a bless or a curse to me. But i guess,that was the kind of life meant for me. Looking back on what i went through yesteryears,sometimes brought tears to my eyes... I never hold it against them but i regret that they never handled the situation well enough. Maybe they weren't even bothered at all..what a pity! Here,i'm jotting down what i should remember..memories that still hurts me the most... I have got no words to describe my dad..let alone talking bout him. I barely knew him anymore..faded. And for all goddamn reasons,i guessed he just got himself to blame.. Nobody but him,fullstop. I have to take a deep breath before i continue... Even before i express,i've feel the tense in me. K,let me start... No child would want to be their mother's enemy.. Trust me,it will be the last thing on a sane person's mind to do such an unforgiven act. But something terrible happened to me which had forced me to walk away.. with such a heavy heart. Till now,i still misses her alot even though she might be thinking that this ungrateful daughter is having the time of her life... I swear,i did not. I choose to open up here n hell yes,it's true that people will come to know. Well who cares,fawk!! But wouldn't it be worse if it's being told directly to others like what she did..think! It's like a bullet going straight to the heart for me..bang!! I already close one eyes on her for failing to give a proper upbringing..k,we pass that. She shows her favourtism to my bitchmouth sister more,i still passed that. Why being petty and oversensitive huh?!? That's what i thought... I put aside what is called jealousy even though i felt like a loser when she choose to badmouthed me to someone i called adik! But what i really2 take to heart is how on earth a mother who has brought u to life..badmouthing u n bitching about u to gain the symphaty of others for her own benefit???????? Why??Why would anyone,your flesh and blood do that??? And where were she when i needed her the most?? The most painful part was,i defended MYSELF when her own sister and brother and her whole bloody family against me...she knew it!!! But what can she do?? In order not to offend any of her lovely hypocrite family members..she choose to kept mum and let me stood so low in the eye of others!!! Why she give birth to me then? Her reason is so practical..some may find it reasonable, "i'm so old to argue with them,let them be lor..the world is round" But the fact is,she is worried that her siblings will boycot her... Where is the family's DIGNITY?? What on earth is wrong for a parent to stood up for her child?? Not only my mom is such a *such*... My cheebye sister also turns out to be a bloody...hypocrite bastard,two faces fagott!!! Let me just blast this out..all her siblings,covered so tigtly their kids' PEKONG!! Even though they'r living in denial..they'r indeed smart becos family's affair is not for others to talk about..esp in this big gossipmongers family!! Why can't my mom be like that? I'm not asking her to side me even if i'm a muderrer..what i wish is at the least she defends me if anyone tries to bring me down!! Let me just continue bitching...so much satisfaction!! Her bunch of brothers & sisters are very pathetic indeed!!! lolx with me together ya,kesian... I got no agenda to hide about my life and that is the reason that gave them to discriminate me so badly like as if they saw me standing at geylang lor or sniffing glue in their toilet!!! Let it be la,becos i'm not hypocrite xia like most of my cousins.. Becos of their clever acting,their mother at home thought they only lepak at orchard rd... Hahaha..actually clubbing,then pangkeng!! I seriously got no issues with all this rubbish but since my mom can't even handle such a situation...(psst:even her bro owe me $$ never return..kecoh right?) It's my bussiness to say whatever i want about them. And since i only got me and no one else but me,i don't even mind if these people will hate me stronger! Doesn't make any different to me either.. But before hating me..think!! Is your son any angel??Is your daughter any better from me??Wtf.. Hmmph..check first is her boyfriend a gangster anot before seeing my patner as an alien!!! And also never forget ya to check if his girlfriend is a hostess anot..duh!! Pardon my language but i don't think this kind of people deserved any respect at all.. Have the cheek to talk about others when u,yourself is such a fake!! Is the mirror at home to small for u to look clearly at your pathetic loser face?? Wow,wow,wow..it's getting hot in here!!! Like an idiom in my mind now,"siape makan cili..dialah rase pedas"!! Worse if kena chilli padi..lalalala!!! Isk..now i understand why eminem condemned his family to the whole wide world...hmmm. On the contrary,it looks like i'm such an unfillial daughter or a very low morale bitch.. But try being me and understand the pain inside... U too will react the same if it happens to u... I'm just someone defending myself at the end of the day cos when u hear enough of critisicm..eventually u'll explode. I totally agreed that life without family is nothing... Then again i wonder,if your own family treated u like their enemy..it's like u are such an eyesore to them..and it's like there's no room for negotiation,isn't it better if u make yourself scarce before u feel hurt deeper....sigh That is why..i choose to just walk away. |