|
♥While i noe myself as a creation of God,I am also obligated to realize & remember dt everyone else & everythin else r also God's creation.♥
♦From diary to blogging..sumhow i love pouring out my feelins on a blank page,jotting down my emotions,reminicsin d episodes of my life.Even some memoirs do bring me tears,i do want to remember it cos to me such experiences & heartache do make someone wiser,stronger & braver to overcome obstacles in life..
Everyone has a past,given it's good or bad..& so do i.Wateva i'm sharin here is fer my collection..eu r free to read,it's nt a problem to me but please respect my lifestory cos i dun live to please anybody & whu r eu to judge me??Got it!
Muchas gracias!♦
♥Happyness~It's betta den being rich!
♥Love~Juz wanna be ♥ by dearest&treasured souls in my life,dts enough!
♥Career~Wif God's willing,i prayed dat i will make a name wif dis passion of mine in near future.
|
|
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 @ 3:03 AM "The ♥ that we shared" 28th October 2004,exactly 5 years ago..i met him. A guy whom i got to know in a rowdy small pub called Chocolate Bar. Though the club is already a history in Boat Quay but our love isn't. Still here,still strong as ever..Ameen. As much as i love him,God must be loving this relationship too. Yea..if not,i wouldn't have so much courage and faith to risk everything in my might to keep this love alive and kicking. The Creator knows me too well,what sort of person i am when it comes to relationship..one word,sucks!! But with him,God changed me overnight to a different person..a person whom i even hardly recognize anymore. Maybe it's also time for me to change in order to change the other party. To be honest,we were both lost at that time. He was the male version of me,much worst.Then i knew that it was not easy to change a person with a character like this,like me. There might be possibilities that all the men whom i did hurt before were cursing the hell out of me to live in misery!!! It's bitter man,tasting your own medicine!!! Swallow till you drop.. I almost gave up from time to time..having nursing your own wound is a great deal though.. Many times,i thought it was over..the love kept drifting apart ,fading away. I tried so hard to make things work but he's on the other hand just let all my effort gone to waste.. The way he treated me was shitty and i felt unappreciated.. It was a heart wrenching moments for me.. Whenever flashback occurs,these memories sure drew tears in my eyes..like people said,it's easier said than done..& it's easier to forgive but not forget.Trueness.It's not that i insincerely except the apology,matter of fact is i've forgiven him long ago for all the shits that he has done cos i love him so much but i am a normal human being with a normal functioning brain..nothing deleted from my memory account yet so forgive or not,i can still remember all those heartache vividly..there's no such thing as okay u are forgiven and the next day..waalaa,amnesia!!No such thing, right?Even if i give up on him and find another guy..the memories still live with me.Maybe faded but it's still there so with him or another,doesn't make any difference..might as well try make things work and change him to be a good lover rather than history.It sure hurts when it heals.. As i said,i am not perfect..at times when i almost call it quit somehow God did sent me what i need most..courage & faith. I know you can't change an incorrigible person overnight..especially when that person's heart is so good at dividing love and attention to more than one sweetheart. It took me years to slowly tamed the beast in his heart.. My remedy? Never stop loving him even though i know,at times he did hurt me again and again..need no concrete evidence,when you know that person too well..even the slightest movement is obviously seen.Whenever i knew he was unfaithful..my heart shattered into pieces.But it seems miracle,after all that he has done to me..i can still love him with all the broken little pieces. I know that after all that i've been through,putting up with all his nonsense and swallow all the shits that he had done with a simple sorry & 10000 promises..some may call me strong and some may even call me stupid. I admit,i look like a bloody fool right now to some gals who has never been through this..Some are disgusted as i keep believing that he would change and never stop giving chances to a player to make room for changes.. But what i got to say is never too early to judge someone else's relationship.. You'll never know what the future has in store for you. I used to call my friends "chicken" when they are too giving and soft hearted when dealing with their patner.. Now i know,how does it feels like having to experience it in my so called never lose to a man life..Serves me right!!! Well,the wheel of life is always turning..full of ups & downs. Just when i thought that i am a loser when i can't even handle one man's heart to devote to mine..things started to change for the better. Slowly,he changed bit by bit..day by day. He's human afterall,right? Guess he finally understood my hope on him,this love and the pain i suffered throughout the time with him. This relationship is a one bumpy ride..wow,sweating!! But because of the love i feel for him,it's worth the ride.If i have never encounter this dark side of love,i'll never understand the feeling of sacrifies,forgiveness and how treasure a special someone.I guess,i am still out there..enjoying my flamboyant one man down,ten will come lifestyle!!! I am much a giver now..but that doesn't mean that i would allow or willingly to go trough these ordeal again ah hah!!! One must know the limit and never to test a person's patience to the max...It may cause disastrous!! So glad that we've made it this far..credit also goes to him because if he did not play his part..things would have never worked out! It takes two hands to clap,right? My only hope is that we will be strong always like what we are now..Amin. Shits happens,i know...but i hope no matter what obstacles that's gonna happen in the future..i pray that it won't involve any third party!I seriously can't take that nonsense anymore... Been there,experience that..enough! I also knew that many ghost whisperers who eagerly wanna see me falling apart with him,one even whispered to me and trying hard to destroy my faith in him and clearly wanna sour our relationship instead of helping.. To them,i say fuck you!!! And to the daring bitch whisperer..may you rot in hell!! And to the bitch(es) who ever try to destroy..try harder!Don't let me get you,sundal..go on hiding!! Both you & your bitch friend..just watch your fucking back!! By the way,thank you for telling..at the least i gotta know who's the slut!!But before trying to add more salt to the wound,i know how to deal with my own fucking life,you pathetic little whore!!! Before you wanna ruin other people's relationship..take control of your own scandalous love life first,asshole!! To hubby..hope you get the picture of what damage can happen when you think again of going back to your philandering ways! Never try to hurt me again..not ever. I can take it if people's gonna talk but too much info can be way out hand..remember,me too have feelings.I may have forgave you but only i know how to deal with these small time bitches..please do not interfere when i wanna get even. Before i end this..what i've got to say is i love you,i love you too much until i sometimes forgotten to love myself.. I am not asking anything in return but just cherish me..life is too short to keep looking back and not appreciating the present cos you never know what tomorrow might happen.. Never wait until something has slipped away then you began to realize that it's precious..by then,it'll be too late. I love you,Adnan..Happy 5th Anniversary to us. Hugs & kisses..muackx!! |